Written by AnnaDenise on Monday, December 12, 2011 at 21:30
^ Our decorated window & tree!
A little while ago (well, what feels like a little while ago anyways), a friend of mine said to me that she envied people who seemed to go through life trusting on a certain unshakeable inner compass. I was about to nod 'yes' and sigh with some jealousy of my own when she concluded with the words "Like you!".
I don't think I laughed at her in her face just right then (the conversation was about the particular nerve-wracking predicament she was in at the time), but had it been appropriate I certainly would have. Me? I didn't feel like I had any kind of inner compass, and if I did, that North pole seemed to be moving around an awfully lot. And unshakable trust was not something I would even have ever applied to anything pertaining to myself. I would even go as far as to say that weariness and distrust was the nature of my relationship to myself, at least for a long long while.
^ As seen in the Bozar shop
And then something must have changed, without me noticing. I can't say there was a grand, revealing moment when this happened, no flight-or-fight situations occurred (although, if you can spread those out over several years, then maybe), but somewhere along the way I have come to recognize where my inner compass lies. And I have come to trust it. I have grown kinder towards it and am forgiving of its many misreadings and my true North's antics. I have found peace (and excitement, even) in the fact that I do not know in the slightest where I am heading, but also faith that I will not lead myself astray. I have grown kinder towards myself and towards life and because of this I am stronger and more secure.
I think I have grown up. At least a little. Right on time, too, eh?
I have always felt younger than I am. Up until recently I would tell people I still felt like 19 or 20. Whenever there would be a 22-year-old mentioning their age I would go "Oh! Same as me!", then only to realize later this hasn't been the case for a while now. I guess I felt a little more insecure than others, less knowledgable, less experienced, a little more lost, a little less brave. Now, I sometimes catch myself saying I'm 28 (when I'm not yet) or thinking about my 30th birthday and how awesome that will be. I celebrate getting older (something I think us women should do a little more often) and I can't wait to see what else life has in store for us.
^ From Kyra de Vreeze's 'Daytox'
So I know this isn't a post like you're used to from me, and I'll get right back to the witty comments and pretty pictures real soon - but I thought you'd like to know that despite my silence, I am doing good. I am doing a lot of yoga. I am drawing when I feel inspired. I'm broadening my horizons and spending time with those I love. With new friends, old friends, and my family, who are the sweetest and the kindest. This is a picture from our Sinterklaas celebration at my dad's, where my brother asked me to 'teach' him some yoga poses.
I am a lucky lady, having people around me who never cease to indulge me and show interest, open-mindedness, and kindness towards me on top of being totally amazing, intelligent, and wonderful people anyone would be lucky to count amongst their friends, let alone family.
^My brother, me, and my dad in 'awkward pose'.
'Tis the season to be grateful, alright.